25 September 2010

the year of reading tea leaves: prologue


Leave It to Teavers


June Teaver: Wally, where are you going?

Wally Teaver: I'm going over to the rally to slur Hussein Obama.

June Teaver: That's no way to talk, this is Sunday.

Wally Teaver: You're right, I'll wait 'til tomorrow and slur him in the cafeteria.

*

Wally Teaver: Gee Dad, how come you know so much about Socialists?

Ward Teaver: Well, Wally, as unbelievable as it may seem they did have Socialists in my younger days.

Wally Teaver: Nixon?

*

Ward Teaver: It's that friend of Beaver's. You know, the one who always talks like he was just frightened by something.

June Teaver: Glenn Beck?

Ward Teaver: That's it.


*

Theodore “Beaver” Teaver: How come Obama's such a creepy guy?

Wally Teaver: He’s a Communist.


*

Wally Teaver: Did Obama hit ya?

Glenn Beck: No.

Wally Teaver: Did he arrest ya?

Glenn Beck: No.

Wally Teaver: Then why ya cryin'?

Glenn Beck: Sometimes things get so messed up, crying is the only thing you can do.


*

Wally Teaver: Boy, Beaver, wait'll the guys find out you voted for a Democrat. They'll really give you the business.

Theodore “Beaver” Teaver: But gee, Wally, you voted for Democrats and the guys don't give you the business.

Wally Teaver: Well, that's because I'm in high school. You can do a lot of stuff in high school without getting the business.


*

Wally Teaver: Obama is a pure socialist and on the verge of communism.

Theodore “Beaver” Teaver: Gee Wally, that's swell.


*

Theodore “Beaver” Teaver: Hey Wally, I carried a sign that reads “You're a president, not a dictator. Go back to Kenya” to the Tea Party rally.

Wally Teaver: What a dumb thing to do. I bet you wouldn't have done anything like this if Mom and Dad were here.

No comments: